Guilt and Compromise

Since I no longer wear a beard, I get to spend a few minutes each day staring at myself in the mirror as I tend to the routine of scraping off the days growth.

I decided today to really give myself a face to face --eyeball to eyeball examination from the shoulders up. I wonder why when I looked myself dead center in the eye, that I never flinched or turned my head away. Am I so sure of who I am and how I am living my life that there was no reason whatsoever to flinch--just a little?

In everyday life, whenever I meet up with somebody--and I remember I was supposed to do something which I didn't or I was reminded of some way that I had mis-behaved towards them in the past, I feel sheepish and uneasy. I know that I am in the wrong and that things are not right. I - feel- guilty.

So--if when I look into my own eyes and am confronted by myself in the mirror--why didn't I flinch? I know that I have not been 100% true to myself or to my creator--so why is there no flinch?

I wonder if the reason is--that I have compromised my standards--in some way. I have agreed to expect less of my efforts and less of my standards. I have lowered the bar and now no longer react to guilt in the same way as I did in the past. It must have snuck up on me over a period of time and I must have let my guard down. I didn't mean for it to happen. it was like gravity slowly causing my chin to droop. Or was it?

No, No, No! I cannot blame my lack of self control and integraty on outside influence. I must take responsibility for how I behave and what my standards are.

Now that I am aware of my lack of guilt when confronting myself, it is time to review my priorities. My standards should not be compromised. It is time for a serious self appraisal.

Come on Yodi, we have some work to do here.